How Real Empathy Never Begins With "At Least..."

This is the title of a just published article by the Mental Health Commission of Canada.  This article really resonated for me so instead of writing my own blog, I thought I would provide you with some of the highlights.  Here goes!

• Knowing how to support our friends and family well, particularly at a distance takes practice.
• Empathy never begins with “At Least….”  Many of us have an unconscious habit of trying to find a silver lining.  We don’t realize how unhelpful it is to say, ‘At least you have your health’ or ‘At least you have a home’ to someone who’s in a dark place. Doing that not only diminishes their feelings, it also layers them with guilt.
• It is not your job to fix it.  That robs them of the confidence that comes with finding their own solutions.
• Your role as someone with a listening ear is to meet them where they are, validate their feelings, and be present as they tell you what they are or aren’t ready to do.  It takes humility to understand that you can walk alongside someone on their journey without leading the way.
• It can be so tempting to say, ‘I’ve been there,’ or, ‘I know how you feel,’ This intention to connect and reaffirm the shared human experience is good. But by turning the spotlight on ourselves, we’re inadvertently diminishing the pain being disclosed to us in that moment. So instead, just say, ‘That must be so hard’ or, ‘I can see why that’s devastating.
• There’s a second reason for not reflecting your own experience back to them: doing so implies that you’ve got the same resources, the same tools, the same trajectory. And that may not be the case.
• The goal with active listening, whether you’re on the phone with your grandma or texting with your nephew, is to hold up a mirror so they can see their situation more clearly.
• Yes, you’re validating feelings. Yes, you’re creating a safe space free from judgment. But you’re reminding people of their own problem-solving skills. You’re reaffirming their resourcefulness and, maybe above all, you’re letting them see their own worth. That doesn’t feel like a passive activity.
• When acting as supports for others, we can’t neglect our own health and wellness, and it’s important to not only listen to others, but also to ourselves.

 
I hope you have found these tips helpful.  Listening Non-Judgmentally is one of the six action steps of Mental Health First Aid.  Why not join one of my many Virtual Course offerings to learn more.  Hope to see you soon!
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Read the Full Article Here